Tis the season for kids across America to duck and cover. Why? Its almost time to go back to that…place. With the *shudders* LEARNING!! Now, Dingo of humourous commie blog obscurity has created a list of ways for kids to survive returning to hell on earth. You could say that I’m reaching out to the children of the world in a way that wouldn’t get me arrested (RIP MJ). Without further ado, your sketchy advice!
1) Don’t start sobbing when the back to school sale adverts start showing. They typically start about two days into vacation. Instead, a few days before you go back when you want to strangle the Sears exec who came up with the “Don’t come back, ARRIVE!” thing, rip the components out of your TV and hide inside.
2) Start your own religion which disallows school. When they still try to make you go, sue.
3) If you are really small and cute, pout and cry. It may get you somewhere.
Now, if none of these work and you still end up in Shmucky Duck Land, then try these:
4) Reference Dingoblog on your projects.
5) Wear a purple wig when/if you graduate from whatever grade you are in. (I did for 8th grade gradiashun!)
6) Have a coup and overthrow the Student Congress. (Those little plastic cafeteria knives can be very useful in a revolution, ya know)
7) Watch House and write down all the big medical words you hear. Then, use them to describe why you don’t feel good and have to go home.
8 ) On the first day, wear your nastiest, most beat-up old clothes and flip the bird to all the kids who went on extensive back to school shopping trips and spent too much time deciding what to make their first impression in. (Helps if you didn’t bathe recently and have fleas)
9) In the inevitable “What I Did Last Summer” report, go into detail about how that carnival corn dog gave you the runs. If you are really motivated, include illustrations.
10) Spel evreeting rong.
Oh, and a book you could write a report on is The Fantastic Adventures of Tuberculosis the Trainby Dingo. It is a children’s book written for a kid I know who reeeaaalllyy loves trains. It is his birthday on September 13th. I believe this book out awesomes the capitalist agenda of Thomas the Tank Engine.
Look! Dingo (right) and Leon Trotsky even make cameos!
I ask my younger comrades to come back around April 2011, and I’ll help you skip on May Day!
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